Muffle my existence

I am so full of hate. I wish I could wear a mask that would make me completely invisible to other human beings so I wouldn't have to interact with anyone on even the most subtle, inconsequential levels. I need a mask to hide my hatred from the outside world, to muffle my existence from all altercations. These days I find the altercations are increasingly the result of what I perceive as racial hostility towards me and my classification. I wish it was possible to talk openly about racial tensions without the fear of someone labeling you as a racist and judging you from on high. My membership in the "privileged race" doesn't allow me to really speak my mind about race and how it effects me in my everyday life. Already I'm beginning to sound racist even to myself. And I think I have gotten more prejudiced as the years have rolled by. Maybe some of that has to do with where I live (Memphis) and the racial make-up of this city, where the population is something like 60% black, 40% white. Maybe it's a reaction to the open hostility I feel on an almost daily basis in my own neighborhood, jogging down the street. When a group of kids stares me down with narrow eyes and watches the evil white girl. Maybe I'm just paranoid. But it's very real and it's something I know a lot of other white people feel.